The Sourdough Custody Agreement

AGREEMENT AS TO THE STARTER

Made between Rowan Vasquez ("Party A") and Dominic Reilly ("Party B"), both formerly of 22 Ellerby Road.

1. Background

1.1 The starter was created on 4 March 2019 from flour, water, and — Party B maintains — the ambient yeast of the Ellerby Road kitchen, a claim Party A has described in correspondence as "mystical nonsense."

1.2 The parties separated on 11 January 2024. All other matters were resolved within six weeks.

1.3 This has not been.

2. Ownership

2.1 The parties agree that the starter is jointly owned.

2.2 Party B's proposal that ownership be determined by "who actually feeds it," advanced by email on 3 February 2024 at 11:47pm, is noted and rejected.

2.3 Party A's counter-proposal, that ownership be determined by "who bought the flour, Dominic, for five years, always, without once being thanked," is also noted.

3. Physical custody

3.1 The starter shall reside with Party A in odd-numbered months and Party B in even-numbered months.

3.2 Handover shall take place on the first Saturday, at the café on Prentice Street, which is neutral ground and does excellent coffee.

3.3 Neither party shall be late. Party B has been late twice.

4. Feeding

4.1 1:1:1 by weight. Twice daily at room temperature.

4.2 Party A shall not use filtered water and then send a photograph implying that Party B does not.

4.3 Party B shall not use rye "as a treat." It is a starter. It does not have birthdays.

5. Discard

5.1 Discard belongs to the party in possession.

5.2 Neither party shall bring discard crackers to a shared social occasion. This provision arises from an incident in April and shall be construed strictly.

6. Health and welfare

6.1 In the event of hooch, the party in possession shall pour it off and feed twice, and shall not telephone the other party at 6am.

6.2 In the event of pink or orange discolouration, the starter is dead and the parties shall accept this jointly.

6.3 Neither party shall use the word "neglect."

7. Third parties

7.1 Either party may share the starter with a third party.

7.2 The sharing party shall notify the other within seven days.

7.3 Party A's mother has one. Party A did not notify. This is a breach and Party A has apologised in writing, at length, twice, and considers the matter closed. Party B does not.

8. Travel

8.1 The starter may be dried for travel and rehydrated on return.

8.2 The starter may not be taken to Portugal for six weeks and returned "a bit different."

9. Naming

9.1 Neither party shall name the starter.

9.2 For the avoidance of doubt: not Doughlores, not Bread Pitt, and not Clint Yeastwood.

9.3 Party B named it Clint Yeastwood on 19 May 2024 in front of eleven people at a barbecue.

10. Termination

10.1 This agreement continues until both parties agree in writing that it is no longer required.

10.2 Neither party expects this.

11. Review

11.1 The parties shall review this agreement annually, over coffee, at the café on Prentice Street.

11.2 Review shall be scheduled for one hour.

11.3 Last year's review ran to four.

Signed,

R. Vasquez
D. Reilly

and, in a different pen, at the bottom, in Party B's handwriting:

Clint says hi.